注定？

是注定的吗？

注定我的生活不得安宁…

注定我要的永远的不到…

注定我的生活一团糟…

注定我得不到快乐…

注定我得不到幸福…

我真的好累哦…

Miss...

Had a bad nightmare yesterday. I cried when I woke up this morning.

In my dream, I'm dead. A huge bird was following me wherever I go. It bring to fly up to the sky until I leave the earth. It's amazing. The bird can talk. The bird told me, "when people die, they need to find a place where belong to them. Look down, you're high of the sky. You are leaving. Now, you have to find the place where belong to you because you are dead. I will bring you to wherever you want to go. I will follow you until you find the place."

When I look down, I saw a huge ball look like earth. The bird bring me to somewhere which look very familiar to me. There, I saw my friend. He took out a photo album and gave it to me. Then, he leave. I kept the photo album and walk through the corridor. I met a lady. She ask me, where I want to go? I said I don't know. Then I took out the photo album and show the lady. All the photo inside is me and my family. I show to her and told her when was the photo took. 

" This is the first photo I took with my father. It was when I'm..."

"This is when I was born, my father..."

"This is when I was..."

"This is my brother, and..."

My tear drop when I'm telling her those memories. I start to cry and tell the lady that I miss my daddy, miss my mummy, miss my family member but I can't find them. Then the lady told me that I can go back and visit them tomorrow. 

Until here, I'm awake. When I woke up, my tears drop again. I miss my dad and my mum. I miss my mum cooking. I miss my home. I miss them badly. 

Dad and Mum, I miss you...

我是怎么了？

我是怎么了嘛？
我怎么变了那么多？
我要的，
并不是这样...

我的男朋友，
应该是那个有时间陪我的，
会是那个会关心我的，
会是那个会带我去吃我想吃的，
会是那个会带我去我想去的地方，
会是那个在乎我的..

可是，
为什么？
他并不是...

换做是以前的我，
应该会大吵大闹，
说他不理我或什么的...
换做是以前的我，
我应该哭得不像样...
换做是以前的我，
我一定会发疯...

可是现在，
我却没有一句怨言...
虽然心很痛，
但不会说出来...
虽然很想哭，
但眼泪总流不出来...
虽然希望可以发自内心的笑，
但我笑不出...

我怎么变了那么多？
我怎么忘了怎么哭？
我怎么忘了怎么笑？
我怎么变得不再是我？

够了吗

朋友，够了吗？可以不要再这样继续下去吗？我受够了！你们现在是想怎样？要我怎样？你们到底要我怎样你们才甘心？要我一个人…一直都一个人，是这样吗？说真的，我不觉得自己有做错什么！我觉得自己没错！你们有什么权力生气？你们凭什么讨厌我？这件事根本与你们无关！跟其他人无关！这是我们自己的事！因为我选择了他，我抛弃了他，他选择了我，他没选择他，所以我就是那个坏人。所以我就是那个应该让全世界都讨厌的人…我真的很想知道你们到底在想什么！不管我做什么，全世界都会觉得我是错的！我从来就没做对东西吗？我原本就做不对东西吗？是这样吗？不管做什么决定，不管说什么，去哪里，都是错的！是这样吗？
难道你们都认为就只是我一个人的错吗？其他人没错吗？为什么我会选择他？为什么我不是选择他？为什么会这样，难道都没原因吗？还是说，被抛弃的，永远都是对的，而抛弃人的，永远都是错的！是这样吗？你们真的很让人抓不着头脑！
我们之间的事，第三个人永远不会懂！你们还是要继续这样的，没关系，我不介意少了朋友！我不介意身边多几个陌生人！反正，我也只是一个人！I DONT CARE!!!

alone

I'm so so so tired this few day. Didn't get enough sleep. I think I gonna get sick soon if continue like this...
Well... A lot of things gone through my mind today. I think of many thing. I know, I change a lot. I shouldn't be like this?Some one told me that I had changed. Did I? When I think of that only I realized. Yes. I changed a lot. Become selfish, dun care about others anymore. What had changed me? I don't know.Being selfish just the way to protect myself from get hurt from others. When I think of others, did they think of me at the same time? I don't know. Maybe yes? Maybe no... Who knows?  Only the person will know.
 Now... I have no friends in college... Seniors who went to internship last semester had came back. I tot I will be more happy when they come back. I always think that I can go for lunch, shopping , play with them But, things doesn't happen. They don't talk to me because of some reason. I know I can't do anything because I'm the one who make it happened. And, what happen is happening. I can't change it even I change my decision. It's already in my mind when I make the decision. It's okay if you guys don't talk to me. Go for lunch but didn't invite although I'm there. So call FRIEND??? I don't know.
Everything are just fine for me. Use to be alone... I can eat alone, watch movie alone, study alone, shopping alone. It's doesn't matter.

九月

九月了..

.最近都好多事情发生，

让我觉得很困扰...

可是，

现在总算解决了吧？

我也不知道...

是好事吗？

还是坏事？

因为一些事情，

因为我的决定，

我失去了一些东西...

有得有失，

这样才公平？

或许吧...

也怨不了那么多...

我变了...

变得自私了...

我不再像以前那样，

处处为别人着想...

我不再像以前那样，

什么都会先想想别人会怎么看我，怎么说我...

现在，

我只想做我自己想做的事...

我不再在乎别人怎么说我，

怎么看我...

朋友，

少了就少了...

我也不介意，

不在乎了...

有什么事，

还是可以找我帮忙...

我很乐意帮...

在我背后说我坏话的人，

说吧...

要说什么就说...

如果可以的话，

我更希望你到我面前来，

在我面前说...

说说你不喜欢我，

说你不想有我这一个朋友...

说吧...

到我面前来，

说我是荡妇，

说我犯贱，

说我丢你们女人的脸吧...

要说什么就说吧...

Sabah Trip 15-20 August

Hello readers, I'm BACK =)
It's already September!!!! And my 5th semester already start. =)
Last month, August. I went to Sabah to meet someone. Guess who is that? Yes, if you read my older post, you will know who is that. Haha. Yeah~ My bf, Dannis.
Finally, 4 and half months over and we met. Something unwilling happened. Something happened and make me change my mind and make the decision.

1st day...
Reach Sabah at 12pm. Bryan came and fetch me at airport. Bryan is Dannis's friend. It was the first time I met him. After that, he fetch me to eat lunch. Then we went to watch movie because we got nothing to do. Then back to campus and wait for Dannis to come back. Around 6.30pm, Dannis back. Finally we met. I dun know how to describe the feel when I met him again. When I look at him, I think of something. I just give a smile to him. Then we went for dinner together with Lawrence, Nicole, Alan and Raymond. Then back to campus lo.

2nd day at Sabah...
Dannis had went out early in the morning because he need to work today. Woke up and play computer. I saw something that I really don't hope to see. I cried until I can't breath again.   The things that I saw had change my mind. At the same time, I make my decision. After a while, we prepared to go out lo. Bryan fetch me to Nexis Resort to walk around and look around. He also introduced me some place of Nexus Resort. The restaurants, where Dannis worked before and etc. I took a lot of photo there =) Hehe. Oh ya! We went to eat muffin. The muffin was big! I ate half then pack another half to Dannis. After paid, call Dannis out then we went for lunch. After lunch, back to resort again. Went to beach lo =) The beach there was awesome! I love it!!!! Enjoyed the beach so much! Suddenly felt hungry! We bought 2 korean cup mee and enjoyed our cup mee beside the beach! hahahahaha... Kept took photo while waiting for sunset. The sunset was so so so so so pretty nice. OMG! The view still in my mind. Then Dannis came and find us. =) Back to campus after a while.

3rd day at Sabah...
Woke up then went to resort again. Bryan need to back to his home so today, I'm alone. Bryan didn't talked to me whole morning because he said I'm very LC ='( He fetch me to resort then he went back to his home. I went to beach, sat beside the beach and enjoyed the sun and the sea. Kept took photo again... Haha... Then walked around the resort. Today was bored because nobody accompany me. Nobody I can talk to. So I just walk around the resort. Sat in lobby then back to beach again. ==" Lifeless???? Waited for Dannis then back to campus together.

4th day at Sabah...
Last day Dannis work in Nexus Resort. Went to resort together to do their clearance then went to town. I went to do manicure, pedicure and facial. It's only RM98!!! Muahahahaha... Love my finger nail so much ♥ Oh ya!I finally bough my bikini!!!Tomorrow we are going to the Island! I want to take more and more photo =) Then back to resort lo. Me and Dannis went to The Sunset Bar to have our dinner. I forgot the name of the food. Taste not bad. We get free beverages!!! Dun know what name also.. Hahaha. Pineapple flavour. Back to campus after our dinner.

5th day...
Island ♥ Woke up early in the morning then prepared to go out! We went to Island today! Me, Dannis, Nicole and her mother and sister. Wheee ^^ Actually, I'm not that excited. Maybe because of the things that happened few days ago. It make me can't stop think of that when I saw his face. =[ Back to topic, Island...
The first Island is Sapi ( If not mistaken =P) I like the sea!!! It was blue colour and it's pretty nice! I love it!! Me and Nicole took a lot of photo at there. It's all in my facebook =) The second island is Manukan. We just went there and have our lunch then back to town. Went to CP and wait for bus then back to resort. Enjoyed our dinner at The King Fisher restaurant in resort. It's buffet =) Food are nice <3 After our dinner, went to Nicole's room took bath then back to campus. Today was a fun and tired day =)

6th day...
Going back to KL today. Bye Sabah =)

Back from Sabah, everything change. I didn't go back with Dannis because we broke up.

对不起...对不起是我的错...对不起我没能遵守我们的诺言...对不起，我没能陪你走到最后...对不起...

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