我生气了！！！！！！！！！

首先我要说的是，我在blog写什么要经过你的允许吗？我没叫你看啊~我写什么是我的自由~如果你不喜欢你可以选择不要看~我没拿枪指着你叫你一定要看~拜托你看了后就静静~不要像狗那样在那边吠！！！我写什么你有意见吗？要你管吗？这些都是我的心里话~怎样？你现在是不爽还是怎样？说啊~有本事你就直接当面对我说~
为什么你就是这样？每天自以为是~你真的以为你自己很厉害吗？以为每个人都一定也要听你的吗？以为每个人都很喜欢你吗？我告诉你，并没有！！！你不是真的很惹人喜欢！！！请你检讨下自己！！！人不是长得很好看~又不是真的很聪明~说人简单~你自己更简单~你以为你很了解我吗？我告诉你，你错了！！！我并不是你想象中的简单~我没有你想象中的笨~我没有你想象中的脆弱~不要真的以为你自己很了解我！！！！！我不出声，是尊重你~不要伤害你~不要拆穿你~我给台阶你下~不让你难堪~

笑，是因为太痛苦~不笑，我怕我会受不了

有时候，真的不知道自己在想什么？
告诉自己，不要再因为他而掉眼泪~
可是为什么？
当我听到这些消息，
我还是忍不住掉下眼泪？
为什么当我知道你故意在躲我的时候，
我会觉得心好痛，觉得很难过？
为什么我还是会哭？
为什么心里还是酸酸的？
我告诉自己，
失去你并不算什么~
失去你，我并不是一无所有~
失去你，
不需要太难过~
一些都会过去~
我还是我~
不需要太难过~
失去你，
不可以哭~
失去你，
我的生活还是要过~
失去你，
我应该过得更好~
可是...
为什么？
为什么看到你的时候，
那些画面就会不经意的浮现在我的脑海里？
看见你，我就想起你是怎么对我好~
看见你，我就会想起你是怎么对我撒谎~
看见你，我就会觉得自己是笨蛋~
竟然被你骗了都不知道~

当我知道你骗我的时候，
说真的~
我真的很难过~
很难过~
心会很痛，很痛~
真的没有想过你会骗我~
我真的很傻~
想起当初，
你时常对我说，
我是个很简单的人~
小事情就可以让我开心一整天~
小事情就可以让我伤心一整天~
你不告诉我太多东西，
是因为不想我想太多~
不想我难过~
不希望我不开心~
不要我担心~
就因为这样，所以你对我撒谎了吗？
是这样吗？

有时候真的觉得很累~
累得我不想再去面对这些事~
累得我不想去面对将来~
累得我想放弃自己~
累得我想要放弃一些~

那天，我又哭了~
我以为自己可以不在乎你了~
我以为想起你的时候，我不会再心疼~
可是为什么知道这些事的时候突然有种莫名的痛？
为什么我又哭了？
坐在车上，想到我们怎么都变了？
搞不懂，我们到底怎么了？
想着，我又哭了~
静静坐在车上~
一个人躲起来哭~
不然别人看到~
害怕别人知道我又哭了~
害怕别人看到我有多么的脆弱~

在所有朋友面前伪装自己~
害怕他们看见自己有多难过~
害怕他们看见我掉眼泪~
不管多难过，
在朋友面前，
我很努力要自己保持微笑~
我要自己笑得很开心~

有多少人知道，
这些笑声背后隐藏了多少的痛苦和眼泪？
把自己真实的一面收在别人看不见的地方~
带着伪装的笑容去面对人~
明明心里是很难过，却还要笑着面对所有事~
其实，这样很痛苦~

笑，是因为太痛苦~
不笑，我怕我会受不了~

it's late

now...
the clock is showing 3.40am...
but i still in front of my laptop...
facing my facebook...
my blog...
my mind...
thinking something...
Cant fall in sleep...
Dun noe why...
Feel like something will happen...
UNEASY!!!
what will happen?
What i'm thinking right now、
I noe i'm scare now...

today...
i received a call..
From my ex bf...
Not J But R...(R is my ex bf b4 J...dun get confused)
he called me today...
Suprised with this...
juz to greet me...
lol...
He said tomorrow he come to kl....
And maybe he will come n find me...
Suddenly...
I scare...
What I scare?
I dun noe...
This is the reason why i cant sleep even now is 4 am and i hav class at 8.30am?
Erm....
I also dun noe~

What's in my mind now?
something flash back~
R?
NO!!!
It's not R!!!
It's J!!!
All the memories...
Everything...
Flash in my mind...
STOP IT PLEASE!!!!
Again...
My tears drop out again...
Dun noe why...
Someone can help me?

18-19/9/10

Today...
Wake up 9am something...
CRAZY!!!!
Nothing to do but still wake up early...
Siao liao la....
first thing I do...
Sure open my laptop and log in to facebook la...
Then go brush tooth la...
Bored lei...
Whole day faced FACEBOK...

Actually I'm waiting someone come and fetch me out de~
but dun noe what time oni he come...
so juz play facebook while waiting for him lo....
Finally...
4pm something...
He say he is on the way le la~
Prepared everything and go out...
over night at his house tonight...
Din back home o...

Where we go?
hhhhmmmmmm...
Go to his house eat steamboat lo...
Paiseh la...
I tot juz with his family...
shit...
Not only his parents n brother sisther o...
His uncle aunty all also there...
OMG!!!
Reach there only he told me...
Shit!!!!
The 1st step I step into his house...
His mother said...
Shee Yang bring his gf come o...
OMG!!!
Aunty a aunty....
Dun misunderstand lei...
We juz friend...
aiyo...
Paiseh paiseh la~
haha ~
After ate...
Shee Yang fetch me to 21st century to lim teh n c the view...
Not bad but it's rain so we cant c the view ><>

17/9/10

Today...
early in the morning...
My mum wake me up...
Asked me stand by because my uncle was on the way...
Where I want to go?
Actually...
My Grandpa was sick...
His hands...
His legs was swollen~
My heart was paint when I saw him...
His skin was dry...
How was he become like this?
Nobody know that...
He was sick for few day dy...
Few days din eat...
Juz sleep at home...
My grandma was worried about him...
She told me that she dream that all my grandpa's friends who pass away were come and find my grandpa...
My grandma was scared...
I know...
grandma...
Grandma....
Stay strong...
Grandpa will be fine...
He wont let you alone to face this world...
Because he LOVE you...
He will always beside you...

About 10am something...
Uncle reach and we go kl after prepared everything...
Fetch grandpa to hospital to have a body check....

1pm something...
We reack kl...
Grandpa said that he feel like want to vomit...
Uncle stop his vehicle aside...
My grandpa vomit...
And...
I vomit too when saw him vomit...
USELESS CINDY!!!!

1.30pm...
we rech Tung Shin Hospital...
It's lunch time...
We need to wait until 2pm only can meet doctor...
Waiting...
Finally...
2pm...
Nurse call 1 by 1...
We are no.5...
our turn...
Register...
Nurse call name then go in...
Doctor Kuan...
Go in...
He asked situation of my grandpa...
uncle told doctor everything...
and asked to have a whole bady check...
Doctod agreed to do that...

Waiting for body check...
After that...
wait for report..
After take report...
meet doctor again...
doctor said evrything is fine...
Mayb is only the skin problem...
suggest us to check with skin doctor...

make sure everything ok...
Then fetch me back to wangsa maju...
having dinner with them near my house...
After dinner...
They back to pahang lo...

hope Grandpa will be fine....